1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,799 I'm not saying I definitely don't want to go back to the salon 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,479 but I have been dabbling with better-paid other employment. 3 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,959 - Dabbling? - I have applied for 30 jobs. 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,599 Surely you want to arrive in your dad's classic car. 5 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,439 - It was his pride and joy. - I can't. 6 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,839 If I drive it, it means he's really dead, doesn't it? 7 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:20,239 Oh! I'm going to have a baby with Gary. 8 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:22,399 - Catkins! - Oh! 9 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,959 Where's Cat? 10 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,520 No! 11 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,519 GASPS 12 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,279 Run, my goddess! I'll find you! 13 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,639 Love you, Gaz-bear. 14 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,679 - Tommy Moscrip? - Jackie's son. 15 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,559 Dad, you've got a brother! 16 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,840 Me. 17 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,239 Cuddly squid? 18 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,079 Um, do one-year-olds like squid? 19 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,119 Well, Sadie's going to have to get used to squid, mate. 20 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,919 It's not going to be long before she's having to fight them off 21 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,440 in a post-nuclear wasteland. 22 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,559 This present needs to be perfect. 23 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,679 I read online that your first birthday present 24 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,839 - can set the course for the rest of your life. - No. 25 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,039 Total bullshit. 26 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,239 Just get her some fluffy bricks or something. 27 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,159 So, I'm still pretty livid you didn't tell me 28 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,319 you had a secret brother. 29 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,879 Well, I didn't tell anyone, did I? That's why it was secret. 30 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,639 Hmm. So, what's Tommy's deal? What does he want? 31 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,439 Well, he...he just messaged me out of the blue a few years ago, 32 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,119 you know, said he was Dad's son and that they were living together 33 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,559 - in Spain. - Oh, suspicious. Continue. 34 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,439 He'd found some photos of me and Dad and was asking awkward 35 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,319 questions, but my dad told him I was an old work colleague 36 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,359 and I had a brain injury, 37 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,519 so don't trust anything I said, you know. 38 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,879 So, Tommy knew about you and your sister, 39 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,079 and you knew about Tommy, 40 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,799 but your wife and kids didn't know anything, 41 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,359 and your dad didn't know you knew, or that you'd been in contact 42 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,079 with Tommy. But also, you didn't ask your dad about Tommy, even though 43 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,000 he'd been living here for two months before he carked it. 44 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,679 - Yeah. - Jesus! Malcolm, do you think this is why your family are 45 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,719 - so fucked up? - Eh, we just don't discuss those sort of things. 46 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:51,359 What sort of thing - having blood relatives?! 47 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,679 Oh, my God, this is it! 48 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,159 Look at that. It's perfect. 49 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,719 That's Sadie's present. 50 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,439 MUFFLED GROANS 51 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,439 Oh, Malcolm! Help me! 52 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,759 It's spunking its eggs down my throat. 53 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:05,840 FEIGNS GAGGING 54 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,960 Hiya, baby! 55 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,759 - I spoke to the police again. - Oh, yeah? 56 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,599 - Still nothing. - Oh, it's been over a week now. 57 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,839 I thought they had CCTV everywhere. 58 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,150 They do, but apparently they don't have the manpower to look at it. 59 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,159 Cat will be fine, you know, Dad. 60 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,119 She's kind of a badass... 61 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,679 ..in a lazy way. 62 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,239 Good morrow, fellow Moscrips. Good morrow. 63 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,599 Hey, Tommy. 64 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,199 - Brother from another mother. - Yeah. 65 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,839 Niece from another piece. 66 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,439 Uncle from another...spunkle. 67 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,719 - Oh. - That's not... 68 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,399 So, how are you finding Grandad's, then? 69 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,239 It's a bloody palace, Gemma. 70 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,959 Sure, the shower runs cold and the oven doesn't work, but 71 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,479 I'm more of a "micro-wah-vay" kind of guy anyway. 72 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,719 And IS there a microwave? 73 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,080 Nah. 74 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,639 - OK, got to go. - Bye. - Bye. 75 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:03,359 Your skin looks incredible, Malcolm. Do you wild swim? 76 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:04,719 No. 77 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,319 I sometimes shower with the window open. 78 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,720 A squirrel got in once. 79 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,760 - Gemma! I've got a surprise for you. Come on. - OK. 80 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:21,359 Ta-da! Sadie's creche, for when you come back to work. 81 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,639 Only a week to go! 82 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,759 Rita, you know Dad's gone part-time to help look after Sadie. 83 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,559 Yeah, but he might want a day off now and then 84 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,879 to explore romantic avenues. 85 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,200 - Why are orphans so sexy? - I don't know. 86 00:03:32,201 --> 00:03:36,039 So, I've put a load of bathmats down, so she doesn't hurt herself, 87 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,160 and some toys from Crisis. 88 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,399 An uncooked bowl of rice? 89 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,839 Exactly. Yeah. 90 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,079 To attract a rat for her to play with? 91 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,639 It's a treasure hunt! 92 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,039 You know, you bury things in the bowl and Sadie digs them out. 93 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,960 - It's fun! - OK. 94 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,799 Spanner and a Biro? 95 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,799 I don't know what babies like, Gemma. 96 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,119 - I'm not Mr bloody Tumble. - Of course. 97 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,119 This is lovely, Rita. Thank you. 98 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,039 Treasure hunt. 99 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,439 {\an8}Oh. 100 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,919 {\an8}Oh, my God. What is that? 101 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:09,399 {\an8}Oh, it's not anything weird. 102 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,119 {\an8}It's just one of Winnie's semi-dried figs. Keep Sadie regular. 103 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,839 - Can I have it back now, Rita? - Right, last one. 104 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,519 I don't want you shitting yourself again. 105 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,119 I am not mopping you out of this salon. 106 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,519 Oh, that was an accident. 107 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,599 That grouting has never been the same since. 108 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,479 I can still smell it. I've still got it right up here. 109 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,960 SADIE BABBLES 110 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,959 - Hi! - Hi. 111 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,439 Um, do you have any balloons that say "happy first birthday" 112 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,999 but also "happy 56th birthday"? 113 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,679 She's having a joint do with her grandad. 114 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,079 Er, well, these balloons are very popular. 115 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,519 They keep their tumescence for up to six months. 116 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,999 Why? 117 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,920 - I think we'll just take a 1, a 5 and a 6. - Okey dokey. 118 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,559 Oh, you're so cute! 119 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:51,119 - So, I can't do that pre-party lunch on Friday any more. - Oh. 120 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,639 Are you getting your nails done? 121 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,079 Do NOT go to my lady. 122 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,799 They were so sharp last time, I could have climbed a tree. 123 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,959 It's not that. 124 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,399 I actually have a job interview. 125 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,399 Oh, my God, babe! About...time! 126 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,999 Well, go on, then. Tell me. 127 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,319 It's marketing. 128 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,519 It's well paid. It's flexible. 129 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,719 It's family friendly. They have a creche! 130 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,959 A normal one - not one with bathmats and rice. 131 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,879 Yeah. I mean, I probably won't get it, but... 132 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,279 Yeah, you will. We'll manifest it! 133 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,359 Give Gemma the job! Give Gemma the job! 134 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,559 Give Gemma the job! 135 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,359 - I actually really, really do hope I get it. - Aw. 136 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,039 But how am I going to tell Rita? 137 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,519 She'll understand. 138 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,879 Like you said, the only way to get promoted at the salon 139 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:32,070 is by stabbing her in the neck with a pair of barbering scissors. 140 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,319 Did I say that?! 141 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,399 I've been dealing with my rage towards Lance by watching 142 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,999 a lot of true-crime documentaries. 143 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,879 Um, do you want curls on your balloons? 144 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,410 - Keep those away from me. - Keep those away from her. 145 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,879 Oh! He looks well there, doesn't he? 146 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,279 Malaga's a wonderful place, Malcolm. 147 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,079 You and Gem should visit. 148 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,279 And Jess. I can't wait to finally meet her. 149 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,599 She's got a hot tub. 150 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,839 Did you know that Malaga is known as Europe's hot tub? 151 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,199 - No. - Yeah. 152 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,839 So, you know, me and Dad lived together 153 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,559 until we had a massive bust-up a few months ago. 154 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,999 - Did you often fall out? - Loads. Yeah. 155 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:20,079 - He was a difficult sausage, wasn't he? - Yeah. 156 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,279 Did he ever use words like... 157 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:26,239 ..pathetic and disappointment? Like, "You're a pathetic disappointment." 158 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:30,039 All the time, Malc! Yeah, all the time. 159 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:34,879 You know, Dad got me to guarantee some business loan. 160 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,599 And I paid the rent. And all his medical bills. 161 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,359 Not that I mind, of course. 162 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,519 You don't when it's family, do you, Malc? 163 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,999 I half hoped there'd be something here to cover it all! 164 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,599 TOMMY LAUGHS 165 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,839 You haven't taken it out of the boxes, have you? 166 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,599 No! 167 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,800 Seems like the only thing to his name was...that Jag. 168 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,359 Of course, he never let me drive it. 169 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,319 Lucky old you, eh? 170 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,759 I've not been able to sit in it 171 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,120 - since he passed, you know? - Right. 172 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,599 - Oh. - I don't know why I'm upset. 173 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:09,919 - CHOKED: - He was horrible. 174 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,799 - CHOKED: - Yeah, but he was our dad, wasn't he? 175 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,679 SOBBING 176 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,120 He was. 177 00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:20,599 - I thought he'd have something sexy lying around! - Hey? 178 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,800 Oh. 179 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,519 It's what he would've wanted. 180 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,320 There you go. All right. 181 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,839 It's...It's probably not a lot. 182 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,040 CHUCKLES SOFTLY 183 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,210 POURING 184 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,119 To John Richard Moscrip. 185 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,960 A complicated old tosser. 186 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,319 To Jackie. 187 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,799 MALCOLM COUGHS 188 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,079 Yummy! 189 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,719 - Oh, God. - Oh. Another late one with Tommy? 190 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,839 Yeah. We had a really nice chat, though. 191 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,039 Good. 192 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,839 And then we watched John Wick 4 on his phone. 193 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,759 You know, it's so good to know that it wasn't just me 194 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,559 who had a rough time with me dad. 195 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,559 Oh, no, he was an arsehole to Tommy, too? 196 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,600 Yeah. He was awful! 197 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,279 - Happy Birthday, Dad! - Oh! Ha-ha! 198 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,839 This is from Sadie. 199 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,359 - You'll get mine later at the party. - Thank you, darling! 200 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,799 She painted it herself! 201 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,199 I did the writing. Her penmanship is abysmal. 202 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,370 Let's have a look, shall we? What have you...? 203 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,319 Oh, God, I love it. 204 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,759 He loves it, Sades. 205 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,679 - Look, it's got my name on it. - Yeah. 206 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,279 That's great. Oh, look, and this is for you. 207 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,439 Happy birthday, little one. 208 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,760 GEMMA GASPS 209 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,760 What have we got, Sades? 210 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,640 Oh, my God. 211 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,399 "Sadie Martha Moscrip." 212 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,039 Oh, Dad, I love that! 213 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,599 Solid gold as well. 214 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,159 Oh, and, er, got you this. 215 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,760 DOOR BUZZES 216 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,759 - OK. - Hang on. 217 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,359 Isn't that gorgeous, Sades? 218 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,639 What's this? 219 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,080 Tommy? Yeah, I'll buzz you in. 220 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,239 Dad? 221 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,519 Yeah, it's...it's 300 quid. 222 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,999 I want to open up a saving account in Sadie's name, 223 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,239 you know, and I thought that could be the first deposit. 224 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,999 Feliz cumpleanos! 225 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,079 That's Spanish for happy birthday. 226 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,119 TOMMY LAUGHS 227 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,759 Delighted to spend the day with my best-ever brother. 228 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,679 Los dos hermanos. 229 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,280 The two Hermans. 230 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,119 - You look fabulous, Gemma. Doesn't she, Malc? - Mm. 231 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,359 Could have given us a heads-up 232 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,719 that the party was formal dress. 233 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,759 - Oh, no. - No, no, no, no, Gemma's got a job interview this afternoon. 234 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,239 Oh, yeah? What is it? 235 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,959 Well, a nice man or lady will ask me questions and, if they like 236 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,839 my answers, they'll give me money in exchange for my time and soul. 237 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,959 Could change me and Sadie's life, if I get it. 238 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,399 - You'll get it. - Yeah, 'course you will, babe. 239 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,319 - Do you want my advice? - Oh, yep. Be yourself. 240 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,119 Christ, no. Lie through your teeth. 241 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,759 - They've got a problem and you're the solution. - Yeah. 242 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,399 And maybe rub yourself with freshly baked bread. 243 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,439 - People love the smell. - Isn't that a tip for selling houses? 244 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,079 Can't hurt. 245 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,599 - Right. OK. - Good suggestion, Malcolm. Good suggestion. 246 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,960 - I've left the bag in for you. - Lovely cup of tea. 247 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,239 Would you like some branded tap water? 248 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,560 No, thanks. 249 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,560 ALERT CHIMES 250 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,559 Oh. 251 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,079 Dustin'll see you now. 252 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,000 - Third floor, office five. - OK. 253 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,599 It's a bit quiet, isn't it? 254 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,039 Yeah. Most people work from home on a Friday. 255 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,079 Not me, though. 256 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,440 - Never me. - Oh. 257 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,199 Did somebody order face paints? 258 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,719 I can do tigers or zebras, 259 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,199 but if anyone wants a unicorn, they can F off. 260 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,319 I'm not drawing a load of knobs on children's heads. 261 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,919 It's not right. 262 00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,519 Hello, birthday boy. 263 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,399 You can come over and paint my face later, if you like. 264 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,840 DOOR OPENS 265 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,839 Hello, Sadie, love! 266 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,079 Here we go. 267 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,639 Happy birthday, King. 268 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,639 And before you ask, yes, I have got you a super-awesome pressie 269 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,319 and, no, it is not another fucking novel about old ladies 270 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,879 - who solve crime. - Oh, I love them! 271 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,639 No, you don't, Malcolm! 272 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,319 Derek, I'm thinking about giving Tommy the Jag. 273 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,719 Are you absolutely fucking insane? 274 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,879 No, look, my dad left him with loads of debts 275 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,999 and he always paid for everything, so I just thought it'd be nice. 276 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,799 Malcolm, have you got any actual proof he's even your brother? 277 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:32,519 Well, his email is tommymoscriplovesnachos@hotmail.com. 278 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,719 So fucking what? 279 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,839 Oh and I've seen his driving licence. 280 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,119 Yeah, cos those are so impossible to fake. 281 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,079 Check this out. 282 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,999 Meet Randy Mondozo, Jebediah Fountain, 283 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,759 Laertes McKenzie-Reid. 284 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,759 Is that, like, made-up names? 285 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,839 Well, do you want to say that to Jebediah's face? 286 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,719 - VAGUELY SCOUSE ACCENT: - Cos he will fucking slap you down, mate. 287 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,279 He's from France. 288 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,839 Look, you have to think about these things, big dog. OK? 289 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,999 I bet I can internet-detective Tommy's arse in under three seconds. 290 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,159 Aha! There you go. See? "Tommy Moscrip, 291 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,759 "pictured with father Jackie outside famed Malaga bar..." 292 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,119 Oh, that looks real, actually. 293 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,120 DOOR OPENS 294 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,120 There he is! 295 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,159 Blimey, Malcolm, you smell amazing. 296 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,519 I swear he's ageing backwards. 297 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,839 Have you lost weight? 298 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,359 Well, I just didn't have any breakfast. 299 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,760 I'll take those for you. 300 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,999 OK, if he is your brother, something is up, 301 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,880 cos there is no fucking way he likes you that much. 302 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,439 - Where are the car keys? - In me pocket. 303 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,239 If you give him that Jag, Malcolm, 304 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,519 I will disavow you. 305 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,560 - Don't make me disavow you on your birthday. - OK. 306 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,240 - What does disavow mean? - Don't know. I heard it on a film. 307 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,040 WHEEZING 308 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,759 Um, is this part of the interview? 309 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,359 Oh, my God. Help! 310 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,519 Help! Oh, my God. 311 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,279 I don't know how to use this! 312 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,079 "EpiPen, pull off blue safety cap, 313 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,039 "hold orange tip, inject into thigh." 314 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,119 Trousers on or off? 315 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,199 Trousers on or off? 316 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,519 Right. Lie down. 317 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,559 I don't...want to touch him... 318 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,079 ..or it. 319 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,800 Er... 320 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,799 HE CONTINUES WHEEZING 321 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,559 OK. Inject into thigh. 322 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,440 HE GASPS 323 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,399 Thanks. 324 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,239 I sat on a bee. 325 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,190 I'm Gemma, by the way. I'm here for the marketing interview. 326 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,839 You didn't need to take my trousers off. 327 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,919 Well, I didn't know if it would work without... 328 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,999 It does say on the label. 329 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,319 It's quite small writing - I was in a bit of a hurry. 330 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,999 - Yeah. Just for future reference. - Trousers... 331 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,600 - BOTH: - Stay on. - Yeah. 332 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,879 - Do you want that back? - Thank you. 333 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,319 Um... 334 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,639 ..my husband's away... 335 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,839 ..so the laundry's not been done... 336 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,720 - ..hence the trunks. - Oh. 337 00:14:16,721 --> 00:14:20,679 This the right place for the birthday party? 338 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,119 Oh, yeah. 339 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,359 Jebediah Fountain booked the superhero show for, erm... 340 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,839 ..little Malcolm Moscrip? 341 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,159 Yep, yep, yep. Thank you. Changing room's over there. 342 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,679 Thanks. Cheers, mate. Off you go. 343 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,119 - Isn't that...? - Yeah. 344 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,839 That's my pressie to you. Correct. 345 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,519 - What, a superhero show? - It's much more than that, Malcolm. 346 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:38,570 Much more. 347 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,759 Go and play with Sadie. And behave! 348 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,279 - SING-SONG: - Happy birthday! 349 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,319 The blue one's for you. I know - so cliche. 350 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,639 - You'll never guess what it is. - Um... 351 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,320 - It's lip balm! - Oh. - Yeah. 352 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,319 CHILDREN SHOUT 353 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,239 How much of the play equipment's bolted to the floor? 354 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,239 - None of it, I don't think. - Fuck. 355 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,359 Don't tip it over! Don't tip it over! 356 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,999 Oh, Winnie! 357 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,359 Coats are over there. 358 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,239 Pressies are on the side. 359 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,119 - Ooh, squash! - Sorry, you are? 360 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,999 I'm Dr Rush. I'm Gemma's GP. 361 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,879 Oh. Do you know anybody else here? 362 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,399 Er, no. 363 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,679 But, thankfully, I'm a hoot once the sambuca starts flowing. 364 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,839 Nope. Nope. Go on, shoo. 365 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,479 Er, there's squash on the side. 366 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,479 Yeah, she'll find it, Malcolm. 367 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,199 So... 368 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,959 ..do you have any marketing experience, Gemma? 369 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,479 Just cos it says here that your current role is... 370 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,919 ..sweeping up hair. 371 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,319 Well, actually, I'm on maternity leave. 372 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,239 But, yeah, when I'm back, 373 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,159 me and the broom, we're like this. 374 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,759 SHE CHUCKLES 375 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,519 There's been an admin error. 376 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,759 I don't know how you've slipped through the net, 377 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,079 but this position's not for you. 378 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,440 Please. 379 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,160 Why do you even want this job? 380 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,879 Because I love marketing. 381 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,839 Nobody loves marketing. 382 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:55,920 OK. 383 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,559 I didn't really want a proper career. 384 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,159 Yeah. 385 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,119 But then I had a baby 386 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,599 and, all of a sudden, there's this helpless creature 387 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,119 who needs me to look after her 388 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,719 and, you know, that's all on me. 389 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,079 Ambulance, please. 390 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,359 Are you OK? 391 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,999 EpiPens wear off, unfortunately. 392 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,840 - But please do carry on. - Right. 393 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,359 So, yeah, there's this fire inside me now... 394 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,399 Jackson House, Stockport, Whitfield and Hitchins Marketing. 395 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,439 - Uh-huh. - ..and I just... 396 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,679 ..I want to provide a better life for my baby... 397 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,199 ..and for me... 398 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,359 ..and this job, it would be the first step. 399 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,599 Anaphylaxis. EpiPen administered, but the effects are starting 400 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,439 to wear off. Thank you. 401 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,559 And I really would give everything I've got to you 402 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,599 and this company. 403 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,199 I just need someone to take a chance on me. 404 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,999 It's a great pitch. 405 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,159 It's exactly the sort of spirit we're looking for, actually. 406 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,120 Unfortunately, you are still underqualified for the job. 407 00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:01,039 But, look, there is a junior position in our Glasgow office. 408 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,359 I think you'd be perfect for it. 409 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,759 Glasgow? 410 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,280 Yeah. Do you want it? 411 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,399 Yeah, I do. I really want it. 412 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,039 Oh, well, congratulations, Gemma. 413 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,759 You've just joined the rat race. 414 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,559 I'm going to get in the recovery position now. 415 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,279 Um, if you could just wait in reception for the ambulance 416 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,880 and let them know I'm up here, please. 417 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,159 So, I did get the job? 418 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,400 Affirmative. 419 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:40,839 She's like Gemma. 420 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,679 Don't you think? It's her eyes. Yeah. 421 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,119 - Oh! - Oh! - Happy birthday, baby girl! 422 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,319 Hey. How did it go? How was the interview? 423 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,399 Yeah. I got offered a job. 424 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,559 Oh, great! Congratulations! 425 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,000 Yeah, it's in Glasgow... 426 00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,680 Right. 427 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,439 ..which is why I turned it down. 428 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,319 What do you mean, you turned it down?! 429 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,279 Yeah, well, I accepted it at first, but then 430 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,599 called them back on the drive here. 431 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,079 I can't leave you lot. 432 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,439 - Gem! - Er, excuse me! 433 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,399 A little bird told me that you were looking for a job with 434 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,279 "career prospects". 435 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,919 You should have said! 436 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,479 Let ME train you up. I can get a grant to send you to college. 437 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,359 You could be the next Nicky Campbell. 438 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,839 Nicky Clarke? 439 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,399 Hmm. Even better. 440 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,999 - BOMBASTIC MUSIC - Oh! Here you are. They're coming. 441 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,679 Here you are! Come on. 442 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,599 Come on. 443 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,359 All right, boys and girls! 444 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,119 Who likes superheroes? 445 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,559 Malcolm does! 446 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,879 - No, he doesn't. - I do, I do. I do, Derek! I love 'em. 447 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:49,079 OK. I am the legally distinct American Captain. 448 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,319 Dilf Rogers. 449 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,399 But it's not just me today. You won't like him. 450 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,799 Please welcome The Honk! 451 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,599 Rarrrrr! 452 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,199 Rarrrr! Honk punch! 453 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,919 Punch Honk. Punch Honk. 454 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,599 Little Honk, punch. Honk, punch. 455 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,199 Honk, elbow, punch. 456 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,959 That's also working for me. 457 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,999 Why? Why is it working for me? 458 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,199 Jesus, do I know you at all?! 459 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,079 Er, Gemma, can you be quiet, please? 460 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,599 Have you no respect for the arts? 461 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,199 Cherry. 462 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,799 No. 463 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,679 Our story begins... 464 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,479 ..in space! 465 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,120 Once upon a time in a planet not so far from this one... 466 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,160 CHILDREN GIGGLE 467 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,359 Wait, where's the cake? 468 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:41,879 - What? - Well, you did get one, then? 469 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,679 I thought you were being all modern. 470 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,839 No. It was on the side in the kitchen. 471 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,599 Is it a woke flavour? 472 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,639 Oh, my God, what would be a woke-flavoured birthday cake? 473 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,239 - BOTH: - Red velvet. 474 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,999 - Fuck sake! - Look, I'll...I'll go and get it. Just you enjoy the party, 475 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,119 all right? 476 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,080 Rita, stop it. 477 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,800 CLATTERING 478 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,360 CLATTERING CONTINUES 479 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:48,999 What's going on, Tommy? 480 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,479 Malc! 481 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,800 What are you doing? 482 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,519 You know I deserve that fucking car more than you do. 483 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,759 I put up with Dad's shit for years. 484 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,479 So, you thought you'd steal from us? 485 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,079 Well, from Sadie?! 486 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,399 Where are the car keys, Malcolm? 487 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,599 I've got a flight to catch 488 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,399 and a dealer waiting to take it off my hands. 489 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,159 Derek's got them. 490 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,479 So I-I could call him and then he'd come round, eh? 491 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,079 So, what do you think about that? 492 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,280 Yeah. 493 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,159 You're just like our dad, aren't you? 494 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,279 Yeah. 495 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,479 We're both cursed with that one, Malcolm. 496 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,959 - What do you mean? - You heard Gemma. She turned that job down 497 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,719 because of you. Could have been a ticket to a better life. 498 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,399 But, no, she's stuck here with her sad old man. 499 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,759 No, that's not what's happening. 500 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,639 I spent 20 fucking years with our dad! 501 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,239 I hated him towards the end. 502 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,279 Yeah, well, I won't let you steal off Sadie! 503 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,559 - No, you don't. - Argh! 504 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,159 Don't! Argh! Tommy! 505 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,210 Don't. 506 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,639 You have no idea what a gift he gave you. 507 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,360 He got out your fucking way. 508 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,880 DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 509 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,280 That's what he did. 510 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,919 left for your head to turn 511 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,119 for your head to turn 512 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,359 513 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:42,319 514 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,679 515 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:51,159 get it right 516 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,799 517 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,799 518 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,519 519 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,079 where I've been 520 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,999 521 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,999 522 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,999 523 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,079 524 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,759 525 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:21,600 I should have done... 526 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,640 Why is birthday boy taking so long? 527 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,280 ENGINE STARTS 528 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,679 Dad... 529 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,160 ..what are you doing? 530 00:24:02,161 --> 00:24:06,679 You'd have taken that job if it hadn't have been for me, 531 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,319 wouldn't you? I'm holding you back. 532 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:09,999 Don't be stupid! 533 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,079 You said it would've changed your life. 534 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,039 Yeah, but I don't want to change it. 535 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,999 I want to grow it, here, with you. 536 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,599 You're just saying that, aren't you? 537 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:21,999 Oh, God! 538 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,559 Now I wish I'd got you therapy for your birthday instead of 539 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,360 that very lovely jumper that's waiting for you inside. 540 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,680 I can't do this without you, Dad. 541 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,760 I need you. 542 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,159 You know I love you? 543 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,480 I know. 544 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,080 We love you. 545 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,680 And I love you too. 546 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,440 - Shall we go back into the party? - Yeah. 547 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,559 Rita wants me to paint her face. 548 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,519 I'll bet she does. 549 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,960 GROANING 550 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,959 Oh, my God! 551 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,000 Can you lot keep the noise down?! 552 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,400 Oh, you all right, Brenda? 553 00:25:05,450 --> 00:25:10,000 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0